if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
