well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
