I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
