those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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