You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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