How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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