Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
