just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
