You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
