You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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