made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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