i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
