His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
