Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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