if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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