Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My balls are so social today.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
