I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
