It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
