Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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