shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
