Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize