And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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