god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
