Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
