Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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