I showed him my bush... on skype.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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