I want to stick my p in your. b.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize