saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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