if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
