well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
