We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
