he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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