Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
