standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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