Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
