weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
