worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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