Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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