He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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