Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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