sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
