Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
