There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
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I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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