I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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