i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
