His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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