He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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