i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize