and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
