just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
