There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
