can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
