it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
