Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
