so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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