Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
