omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
