why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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