She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
