did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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