Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
