dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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