At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
