if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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