We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
