fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
