Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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