i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
