I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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