We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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