we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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