She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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